Please Don’t Call Me a Baby Killer

The simple soundbites from both parties fail to do justice to the complexities of the issue. It leads me personally to conclude that voting on this one issue alone is not sound reasoning or sound politics.

The first time I was called a baby killer was in 1998. I ran as a Democrat for the Idaho State House of Representatives. Against the advice of more seasoned politicians from my party, I agreed to participate on a local talk radio program. The hosts began by saying how curious they found me to be. “On the one hand, you are a Mormon, but on the other hand, you’re also a Democrat. So are you pro-life or pro-choice?” I refused both terms. I said that I found the terms too loaded and too ambiguous to detail my views on an issue as complex as abortion. Before I could explain my position, or how I had arrived at it, the host asked if I supported the current version of a parental consent bill being considered by the legislature. I told her I did not, and began to explain why. The same bill had been passed by neighboring states and had cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to defend in court only to be struck down. Again, I was interrupted before I could articulate what I thought would be a wiser approach. The host said, “So you’re a baby killer then?” I was flummoxed! I couldn’t believe she had gone there without giving me any opportunity to respond. She had passed her judgment, found me unworthy, and moved on. That rush to judgment and pronouncement left me frustrated and resolved not to treat people that way. Few, if any, topics are more controversial or more complex than abortion. Hopefully I can communicate my thoughts on the issue in a way that is thoughtful and not sanctimonious.

My beliefs on the morality of the issue are that “human life is a sacred gift from God. Elective abortion for personal or social convenience is contrary to the will and the commandments of God.” This quote comes from a brief statement on abortion from my Church and reflects my own feelings. I believe life is sacred. I am the father of five children, and the grandfather of two. I hoped for, prayed for, and rejoiced with each child’s birth. I cannot imagine my life without them. I think it is wrong to end a pregnancy for personal or social convenience. I believe the power to create life is a sacred trust from God. I would never want to abuse those powers. I believe those who do abuse those powers will stand accountable to God someday.

Here are the problems I have with both political parties on the issue. First, the Democrats as “pro-choice.” This is a party that believes the government can help people make better, more informed choices. The party who thinks it is important to regulate food, drugs, the environment, etc. For this party to say it has no place to tell a woman what to do with her body seems contrary to their core beliefs. Save the whales, forget about the unborn, is hard to make sense of. The party’s position has evolved in recent years. In the 90s, the party’s line was abortion should be safe, legal and rare. Even as late as 2012, the Obama administration was still trying to get traction for a policy that reduced the need for abortions. The new party line seems now more focused on the right to have access to abortion, treating it as a medical procedure only, with no moral or ethical consideration. To be sympathetic to the idea that Black lives matter and yet not the lives of the unborn is intellectually incongruent, to say the least. You should read David Brooks’ piece on this. I agree with him that Democrats have moved too far on this issue. If your fundamental goal as a Democrat is the health and well-being of individuals, ignoring the moral complexities of this issue is irresponsible and (I believe) inconsistent with your ideology.

If Democrats are inconsistent and hypocritical with their position, Republicans are sycophantic and scattered. “Pro-life” means sooo many different things to different people. Here are some of my questions: What would it look like to legally restrict abortion as a means of birth control? Would you arrest providers, or women themselves? Would it be a state ban or a federal one? Would women who left the country to have an abortion be subjected to prosecution upon their return to the US? Would the law view all termination of a pregnancy the same as premeditated murder? I have also known some conservatives to go so far as to think that birth control methods like IUDs were akin to murder. In twenty plus years of talking with my conservative friends and lawmakers about this issue I have never heard or seen a policy from them that answers those questions. “Pro-life” to them seems to mean only an idea of being anti-abortion, which I am sympathetic to, but it doesn’t seem to translate into a clear, working policy. If the goal is to decrease the number of abortions, the data is clear that legally restricting the procedure does not reduce the number of abortions. Additionally, there is fair criticism that the Republican Party is pro-birth not pro-life. By not supporting aid for poor people, their access to healthcare, or the quality of their education, Republicans’ seemingly don’t put equal value or emphasis on life after birth.

I am sympathetic to why people vote exclusively on this issue. The problem for me, however, is neither party has a position that completely coincides with my moral view. In addition, not every candidate from the major parties views the issue in the same way that their party does. Not to mention that I think the parties sometimes feel less interested in honestly doing the right thing for people and more interested in fundraising and maintaining their party line narrative as a way to encourage people to vote for them. I am frustrated by the unwarranted certitude from many on the right and the smug superiority from those on the left. As this PEW data suggests, the vast majority of Americans understand the complexity of this issue. They realize that universal application is unrealistic when considering individual circumstances. The simple soundbites from both parties fail to do justice to the complexities of the issue. It leads me personally to conclude that voting on this one issue alone is not sound reasoning or sound politics.

You can be anti-abortion and think it should be legal. You can oppose abortion and not be a misogynist. I often hear people who say “How can someone be a Democrat? They are for abortion!” Or, “How can someone be a Republican? They hate women!” These logical fallacies do not account for other possibilities. You can be opposed to the criminalization of abortion and also oppose it as a means of birth control. You can both respect the right of a woman to make her own medical choices and still think there are moral consequences for terminating a healthy pregnancy. Likewise, you can acknowledge the moral complexities of terminating a healthy pregnancy and not hate women.

Good news abortion rates are falling. This excellent article explains why abortion rates are lower than they have been in forty years. Turns out, decades of global research indicate that legally restricting abortion is not correlated with a decrease in global abortion rates. Legality has proven largely irrelevant. In fact, “in countries where laws permit abortion only to save the life of the mother, the abortion rate is higher at 37 per 1,000 women than the rate of 34 abortions per 1,000 in countries without such restrictions.” Moreover, countries throughout Latin America—where the most restrictive abortion laws exist—actually have ‘both the highest rate of unintended pregnancies, 96 per 1,000 women, and the highest rate of abortions, 44 per 1,000 women.’ The data is clear. Nations that help women avoid unwanted pregnancies have the lowest abortion rates. If your goal is reducing the number of abortions, focusing on unwanted pregnices is the best way to go about it. Criminalizing abortion is not.

Even if Roe went away abortions wouldn’t. If the United States Supreme Court did away with Roe vs Wade, abortion does not go away, it just moves the decision to the states. Learn more about this here. Doing all we can in a bipartisan way to reduce unintended pregnancies seems the wiser course.

Please stop calling people baby killers and women haters. When you make the claim that Democrats are baby killers and Republicans hate women you lose the credibility that an issue like this deserves. It’s provocative language that is untrue, hurtful and invites division not civility. Also, when we use graphic videos that depict abortions, or use loaded language of moral absolutism, we often do harm to those who have struggled with pregnancy and infertility and a host of other complicated circumstances surrounding this most personal issue. Jeannie Gaffigin, a lifelong Catholic and a conservative, does an excellent job of addressing this in this must read piece.

To single issue voters I have learned from my own experience that politics, public policy and governing are complex. There are hundreds of issues that governments face. Political parties offer an ideological approach more than detailed policy initiatives. That’s beneficial to everyone. It allows for compromise. When we base our entire vote on a single issue, we often do so because we don’t want to engage in the messy complexities and ambiguities that a healthy republic requires.

So now what? I believe both parties could work together to reduce the demand for abortions. However, it will take people breaking out of their polarized partisan views. As with most issues, the first step is being able to talk about the issue in a way that allows those who disagree with us to be heard.

America It’s Time To Take Off Your Mask

Like you, I’ve spent the better part the last few weeks wearing a mask. At first I felt awkward and uncomfortable. As time went on, however, I became accustomed to wearing it. We wear these masks primarily to protect ourselves from unconsciously infecting others. It is an act of solidarity, our way of showing that we care about each other.

Traditionally, we associate masks with covering, changing or hiding our identity. They have a nefarious feel about them, not an altruistic one. We use the terms “unmasking someone or something” to mean we expose its identity or true purpose. So in a poignant, and somewhat ironic, way, we see our current season of mask-wearing as a much needed unmasking of America. This tiny bug that is causing such big problems is showing us who we really are. What we see should move us all to action.

We see that we live in a nation that undervalues its own citizens. A nation whose power and riches have been consolidated to the few, while the many have been left behind. We see a polarized, tribalistic, dysfunctional politics. Most troubling, we see, almost daily, the unmasked, naked racism that still exists in this country. So, this pandemic has caused us to wear masks but it has also unmasked us. Now unmasked it’s time to ask some serious questions:

Do we want to live in a country where you can work full time and still not afford to live?
Do we want to live in a country where we do not all have equal access to the law?
Do we want to live in a country where less than half of us regularly vote?
Do we want to live in a country where 40% of its citizens can’t come up with $500?
Do we want to live in a country where millions live in fear daily because of the color of their skin?

What can we do? We can be more informed. We can vote, we can donate, we can stop blaming them and start fixing us. We can listen more and talk less. We can learn to engage and learn from those we disagree with. We can be honest with ourselves, and begin to make the changes necessary to build the nation we want. A nation that is committed to living up to its potential and its grand ideals. A nation that embraces the unmasking of itself. We can do our part to become a nation and a people who refuse to hide their sins and shortcomings behind the masks of indifference, fear, blame and ignorance.

The Need for Social Media Distancing

What a challenging time we live in! We are simultaneously fighting two pandemics. COVID-19, and, the dangerous misinformation that has come with it. Both are deadly, and both spread very easily. Like you, I have been paying special attention to the news and am constantly praying for the sick, healthcare workers and everyone that has been affected by this global pandemic. Also, sadly, I’ve seen so much disinformation spread about this pandemic on social media. I really appreciate the insight in this great article from the PBS NewsHour. It helped me see why times like this are so fraught with misinformation.

“Uncertainty is inherent to the problem,” said Kate Starbird, an associate professor at the University of Washington and co-founder of the Center for an Informed Public. “We don’t know certain basic things about the virus, and we don’t know when certain treatments are going to be available”…For weeks, COVID-19 has dominated news coverage, inundating the public with near constant updates about the virus and its widespread impact as scientists’ understanding of it has changed in real-time…“We don’t have experts on COVID-19, because it literally just emerged four months ago,” said Dhavan Shah, the director of the Mass Communication Research Center at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. “The facts are shifting so quickly…With what Shah called the “unique challenge” for public health officials trying to stay up to date, it’s no surprise that people are seeking out any information to make sense out of the confusion, leading some to dubious sources or claims.”

I’m sympathetic to people’s worries and insecurities. It’s completely understandable that we all want to look for information that gives us understanding. However, just like being in large crowds makes it more likely to spread the COVID-19 virus, social media has made it easier to spread dangerous misinformation. According to this 2018 study, misinformation spreads on social media six times faster than the truth does!

We know we can help stop the spread of the virus by washing our hands, avoiding contact with others and exercising good hygiene and social distancing. What can we do to help stop the spread of misinformation on social media?

Again from the PBS Newshour:

“… prioritize information coming directly from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the World Health Organization, and state and local officials about the spread and response to COVID-19. Both the CDC and WHO provide daily reports on the number of confirmed virus cases, as well as up-to-date resources and research on the disease. While it can be difficult to sift through information on social media, announcements coming directly from the social media accounts of your governor, for example, can likely be trusted.”

We have probably all seen the misinformation on social media. From bogus conspiracy theories on how the virus began, to faux cures, and even the comparison of government quarantine efforts to the holocaust. We each need to do our part to lessen the spread of both of these modern plagues.

The Upside to COVID-19

There seems to be a national, and even international, solemnity and solidarity about the thing. As we all work to #flattenthecurve we are selflessly helping to not overwhelm hospitals, healthcare workers and those most vulnerable in our society.

What a week! The roller coaster ride of the stock market, the cancellation and closure of almost every major American institution, and the world wide focus on a tiny little bug. I, in no way, want to minimize the real consequences people are feeling as a result of this virus. My heart goes out to the people in China, Italy, Iran and others around the world who are sick or otherwise afflicted. The physical, social, emotional and economic toll on individuals and nations is real. However, I also can’t help but see something admirable in all of this.

There seems to be a national, and even international, solemnity and solidarity about the thing. So often when adversity strikes we naturally focus inward and are most concerned with how it will effect us personally. Surely there has been some of that with this as well. However, for the most part, I’ve seen people who will not ever be sick come to the conclusion that they should make the necessary sacrifices to isolate themselves throughout the community and the world to minimize the impact of the virus.

As we all work to #flattenthecurve we are selflessly helping to not overwhelm hospitals, healthcare workers and those most vulnerable in our society. I have also seen people turn their concern to those who will be the most adversely affected not only by the disease itself, but by the economic consequences. The hourly worker, those without healthcare, sick leave and the resources to manage a disruption like this. I have watched over the last few days my employer, my faith community, as well as local, state, national and international governments work swiftly to try to mitigate the effects of the pandemic and help those in most need. I’ve seen less blame and more honest inquiry on what this all means and what is the best way forward. Of course there are those who are prone to nativism, conspiracy theory and doomsday hand wringing, but for the most part I have seen a calm compassionate response, coupled with the desire to know more and do what we can to get through the situation. I’m certainly not happy about this virus, but I do think there are some things we will see going forward that will give us pause to reflect on the value of working together. So as we wait this out, wash your hands, keep your distance, stay informed and keep up the good work!
See you on the other side!

5 Ways to NOT be a Jerk on the Internet

We cannot change what others post. We cannot change others’ opinions. We can, however, contribute to the conversation. We can do our part to build a community. We can do our part to have an honest, open dialogue about issues we may agree or disagree on.

I had the opportunity to be interviewed on a friend’s podcast we discussed how to not be a jerk on the internet. We talked about the temptation to just give up on the idea that the internet can be a place where civil discourse could happen. However, we concluded, if we do that, then the haters win! We can’t just consider the internet as a place of either antagonism or a total withdrawal from the important issues of our time. What if it were different? What if it brought us together as a community of friends, family and colleagues working to create the best world possible? A place where you can express your opinion and ideas without it becoming a fight? So here my ideas for not being a jerk on the internet:

#5 Stop blaming others and start fixing you! I can’t blame you for what’s wrong with the government, society and the world in general, that’s weak! I’ve got to figure out my own contributions to the problems we face. I’ve spent a few years carefully reflecting on my own opinions, finding the flaws in my logic, learning to avoid either or thinking and trying to challenge my assumptions. What am I doing to contribute to tribalism misinformation, or contention with others online? How can I stop doing those things? I’ve written about a blog post about this previously: How do I stop calling you out and start fixing me.

#4 Stop preaching to the choir: The more I discuss the world with those who share my worldview, the more I begin to view the world as “us versus them.” Here is a piece I’ve written about why I have completely stopped sharing simple memes and snappy one liners online that confirm my opinions. They do nothing to broaden my understanding of complex issues and alienate those who do not share my opinions. Before I read or post something online I stop and ask myself. Am I doing this to confirm what I already believe? I’m I trying to persuade others to think like I do? Or am I trying to really learn, understand and help the world be a better place?

#3 Try to understand where people are coming from. Whenever I find myself saying, “I can’t understand why anyone thinks that,” I tell myself, “That’s your problem, not their problem.” I don’t have to agree with someone to understand why they think the way they do. If I don’t understand why someone holds an opinion, that’s an indictment of me not them. We should spend much of our online time trying to understand each other not just talk over each other.

#2 Act don’t react: When I see something online that makes me crazy and I’m tempted to lash out. I take a breather, relax, try to understand their perspective and challenge my own assumptions. Even when, and especially when, someone lashes out at me, I try to be chill. That doesn’t mean I just agree with everything, but we can disagree without being disagreeable

#1 Be Kind: Picture the face on the other side of the screen. These are real people just like you! With real feelings and real families, real problems and very real emotions! In other words treat people like you would like to be treated.

We cannot change what others post. We cannot change others’ opinions. We can, however, contribute to the conversation. We can do our part to build a community. We can do our part to have an honest, open dialogue about issues we may agree or disagree on.

We can resolve not to rant but to reason. To talk less and listen more–to build bridges not walls. We can engage in conversation with those we disagree with in a constructive manner. We can acknowledge the complexities of issues without being condescending. We can reject our own unwarranted certitude. We can learn and try to understand others perspectives instead of trying to persuade them to adopt our own.

We can reject sarcasm and embrace empathy. We can walk away from anger and embrace understanding. We can stop sharing over simplified, inflammatory content and instead pose our own thoughtful questions and ideas. Every person’s perspective has value and meaning to that person. We can admit when we are wrong. We can embrace conflict and shun contention. We can remain true to our ideals and be open to change. In short, we can all do our part to not be a jerk on the internet, or anywhere else for that matter.

Writing to Change the World

I am writing to change the world! Well that feels like a bit much, eh? But, there it is, on my website, as the tag line. You see it on every page. I am putting it out to the world. So what troubles me about this claim? The scope! When I say I want to change the world the first thing that comes to mind is that what I do must have some kind of global impact. The earth knew I was here because of the seismic impression I left. Therein lies the rub. The scope of the ambition leaves you feeling small and hubris at the same time.

So what do I really mean when I say I want to change the world by what I write? I mean I hope to influence the world for good, I want to be among the contributors, not just the cynics. Of course, I would like my words to reach the masses, but that’s not the main motivation, not even close. If it was, it could taint what I write. I would find myself always chasing the popular new thing looking for more eyeballs and possibly lose sight of the goal. The goal is to impact the world around me for good. A forest is a mighty thing but so is a tree. To reach the one has value, to develop your skills has merit, even if only a dozen see it. I do want to change the world but I know that may never be on the scale it sounds like.

I’m so very grateful for those who have impacted me in my life, few of which are NYT bestsellers or have monetized their talents in grand ways. My widowed neighbor taught me at church and welcomed me into her home. She was, for me, a much needed surrogate grandparent. She was never interviewed by Oprah and didn’t “make it big” but she changed the world by changing me. School teachers, church mentors, friends, coworkers and of course family, have all blessed my life and almost without exception did those things in obscurity. But, make no mistake they changed the world by changing me.

So why do I write? Why not just be a nice guy? Well I am trying to be a nice guy. I’m trying to be a good citizen, a good neighbor, a good husband, a good father, a good Christian etc. Part of that for me means trying to push myself in new ways and develop my talents so that I can be of value to those around me. One risk we have when we pursue this course of action is comparing ourselves to others finding, ourselves lacking and then quitting. I am sympathetic to that, and I’ve written about it on at least two occasions ( Check out those posts here and here).

We can’t let whatever we aren’t yet stop us from becoming what we can be. We also can’t minimize what we are doing because we haven’t maximized the impact. Six years ago I had the distinct impression to spend more time on social media and be more purposeful about it. That journey has led me to write more, think more and be more brave. Since then I have, little by little, accomplished a lot! Here is a brief list:

Finished a 40k word middle grade book
Joined the Society Of Children’s Books Writers and Illustrators
Joined a writing group
Learned how to query agents to represent my projects
Began my blog
Reached close to 10,000 views on the blog
Have had near 500,000K views on social media (this is an educated guess because FB analytics are tricky for personal accounts)
Finished (almost) with the first draft of my second book
Created a website
Learned how to better brand my work
Met new people
Made new friends
Improved my skills
Gained new skills
And in some small way have made a difference

Perhaps the most satisfying thing that has happened is the personal messages I get. So many times I have felt like a humbug, gotten discouraged, or have been ready to walk away from everything, when someone will reach out to me and thank me for something I have written. I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of kindness and support I have received and humbled by the impact it’s had on myself and others. So yes, I may never monetize my work, and yes, I may never reach the masses, but I am changing the world, one word at a time, and that’s okay by me.

10,000 Thank Yous!

I’ve been writing this blog for just over two years. I wanted a place for brief, insightful, thoughtful, analysis and opinion on current events, social issues, politics and life. Short, positive reads that were both accessible and articulate. To a large degree, I think I have accomplished what I set out to do.

I am super grateful for the near 10,000 views the blog has received! When I started this I didn’t know if it would have an impact or not. Well, I still don’t really know the impact beyond what it has done for me but I am glad for those of you who have taken the time to read and share my posts. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I can’t count the times someone has said to me “Thanks for this or that you wrote it meant a lot to me.” Okay, I probably could count them, but honestly, it has been more than I can remember and more than I had anticipated.

Something else happened that I did not anticipate. My writing really changed me. I found myself filtering and tempering myself in ways that were both positive and unexpected. When I would feel some kind of indignation and want to quickly go to the keyboard and pound out some snarky response to current events something in me would say, “Don’t do it.” I would ask myself, “Instead of finding a way to blame others, what are you doing to fix the problem? Are you contributing to the animosity or helping to alleviate it?” Instead of trying to ‘fix’ others, the process of writing over the last two years has mostly helped improve me.

When I take a step back from the reactionary lens and allow a more proactive approach, I find that my writing is productive and moves me to action more than demanding action from others. I feel a sense of obligation to deeply think about my position, research it, and talk about what I can do instead of what you should do. That has been a huge blessing in my life!

Along the way I’ve also written some things I liked, some things I thought were important, and some things that really resonated with others. Here is a highlight reel of the blog over the last two years!

Mind the Gap! This was one of my least viewed but most important posts. It has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with life. The concepts here helped me have the courage to write. My writing over the years has helped me see the world in a more hopeful lens. Have courage! Create something! Mind the gap! Read the post here.

Should We Even Talk About Race Anymore? This post caused me serious reflection on my own thoughts, beliefs and actions regarding race. It was a much needed reflection. Read the post here.

If You Can’t Stand Your Liberal Brother-in-law, Blame the Caveman! I have spent the last two years really trying to understand why people think, believe and vote the way they do. Like many of you, I’m worried about the hyper-partisanship we see in the country. I’ve read a lot about tribalism this year and understanding that has helped me understand others much better. Read post here.

The Reason You Don’t Like Baseball Is Probably the Same Reason You Don’t Like Politics and Frankly, It’s Your Fault. Unwarranted certitude is not a virtue. In fact, I believe it’s a threat to democracy. Being informed doesn’t mean knowing your talking points–being really informed helps you understand how much you don’t know! That kind of humility increases intellectual curiosity and subdues unwarranted certitude. Read the post here.

I Am Patriotic, Just Not Like That. This has been one of my most popular posts. I don’t why. Perhaps because it tells a personal story that resonates with so many. Read the post here

An Open Letter to My White Friends: The research I do for the posts I write has as much, or more, value to me than the process of writing. This post was for sure like that! I learned a lot about the country I live in and love and a lot about me. Read the post here

I’m a Member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a Liberal and That’s OK. This is by far the most popular thing I have ever written. Nearly 15% of my total views have been of this post. Ironically, I almost didn’t post it. I thought it was too simple and too personal. It definitely speaks to a lot of people. I’ve had a ton of feedback and it is definitely something I need to write more about! Read the post here

Instead of Something Controversial Let’s Just Talk about Guns and Abortion? These are two separate posts where I take a heated political issue and show that, really, we probably have more common ground on it than we think we do. I have ideas for like five more of these. I just to get them written! Read the post about guns here Read the post about abortion here

We Must Be Honest With Who We Are and Who We Can Be. This is one of my shortest posts but one where the prose really speaks to me. I always hate everything I write but sometimes when I review it later, I think, “That’s not too bad.” This is one of those. Read the post here

Thanks again for reading and sharing the posts! It really has been a learning journey. One I am excited to continue!

The Dangers of Either or Thinking

Imagine for a moment, you are standing on a tall platform that overlooks a small rail yard. A single set of tracks enters and about halfway through the yard, a slight fork makes two diverging paths. Down one fork, several children are playing on and around the tracks. On the other fork, an older rail-worker is inspecting the tracks and footings. Suddenly, you hear a train screaming down the tracks entering the yard. You notice that the rail switch is set to guide the train towards the set of tracks where the children are playing. Next to you on the platform is a button that will direct the train to the other set of tracks instead. What do you do?

This paradox is known as the trolley dilemma, and is a classic thought exercise in moral philosophy. When presented with these options, coming to a conclusion can be frustrating, especially if you find yourself agreeing with both parties in some way. The problem is designed to present you with only two options, both of which have positive and negative moral weight. This is called a “False Dilemma,” or “The Bifurcation Fallacy.” We present ourselves, or others, with only two options when there are actually more. If this situation were to actually happen to you, it is very unlikely that you would be left with only the two choices above.

These “false dilemmas” hamper our ability to collect and interpret information. So many voices in our country today convince us that in every situation there is a right and wrong, a true and a false. They present us with false dilemmas. They force us to think in terms of either/or and reject the complicated nature of our conscious. Many situations have a very large grey area where actions may not be right or wrong.

This article in the 1828 journal, published at King’s College in London, talks about some of the dangers associated with binary, or either/or, thinking. What I found most interesting is the ability of binary thought to polarize a group even before any discussion begins. Max Edgson discusses how when an issue is brought up, we almost automatically start to create a “pros and cons” list, which tricks our mind into thinking we can either be for or against the issue. So, without even having time to fully understand what the issue is, we have already decided whether or not we will support it. We see this issue in the United States political scene all the time. Here is one example: the country has been captivated by Robert Mueller and the special counsel. As soon as the investigation began, the country became polarized over it. On one side, there were those who were convinced that President Trump was guilty of the highest treason against the United States, and then there were those who were adamant in their claim to his outright innocence. We did not hear much of any “grey area” concerns. This dichotomy of thought led to more confusion when Mueller’s report was released.. For example, the report found the President did not engage in criminal conspiracy with Russia. However the report also showed that the Trump campaign/administration invited Russian assistance, lied about it and on multiple occasions, and tried to hamper the special counsel’s investigation. The believers on both sides used the report to further entrench themselves in their convictions. Perhaps both parties are wrong and the truth lies somewhere in between their sentiment.

Another example of how binary thought could potentially betray us comes from the world of marketing and advertising. Companies advertise their products in a way that trick us into thinking that we can either buy their product and gain some incredible reward, or we can abstain from purchasing their product and live a mundane and colorless life. In reality, those are not the only two options. People are more than capable of living extremely fulfilling and colorful lives without buying product X, Y, or Z, but we are trapped for a moment in a place where we only recognize the two options the company is giving us.

My third and final example is about honesty. So often we are told that we only have two choices when it comes to honesty. We can either tell the truth, which is good, or we can lie, which is bad. But morality isn’t that black and white. An individual can tell the truth, but also forget to mention a certain detail, which could be considered lying by omission. Or, an individual might tell a lie that has no impact on the world around them (i.e. a white lie) in order to achieve a greater moral good. Or, someone might purposely lie. They might fabricate a complicated, intricate world in order to manipulate others and scam them. Each of these different situations have varying levels of moral “greyness,” so it becomes difficult to truly believe that all lying is bad, or all truth telling is good.

Now that I have established the binary thought can change the way we interact with the world and others, I want to dive into how we can utilize it to our advantage, and other schools of thought we can adopt as well.

This article from the Stanford Law School does a good job at outlining the good, the bad, and the ugly of binary thinking in an easy to read format. Ryan Long cites sources that show binary thought is part of being human. It is in our evolution. We need it to make split second fight or flight decisions. It is also very useful when we are presented a situation with two “right” choices. But Mr. Long also points out that the same path of thinking can change a good and beneficial idea into an evil and destructive idea by simply adding the “republican” or “democrat” sticker on the end of it.

One alternative to binary thought is directional thought. In order to fully embrace directional thought, you have to be willing to accept that the world is not black and white. This way of thinking is almost like standing in the middle of a large, dimly lit room. There is enough light that you can figure out where you want to end up, but not enough light for you to be able to completely comprehend the best way to get there. Directional thought is seeing your end goal and then making small steps in order to reach it. Maybe along your path there will be a long table you have to navigate around, or some pails of water you accidentally knock over. Directional thinking is moving in the right direction and making course adjustments along the way. This path acknowledges that we don’t know everything yet, but we are working with what we have.

Another alternative to binary thinking is dialectical thinking. This method usually involves two or more people with differing viewpoints asking questions to each other. The intent of the questions is to incite deeper thought and to expose potential fallacies in a particular argument. The end goal of dialectics is to establish truth and understanding through reasoned arguments. To learn more about dialectic thought, read this article. I also discussed using the Socratic method (very similar to dialectic thought) in order to establish personal understanding and truth in one of my blog posts.

In conclusion, either/or thinking isn’t all bad, but it also isn’t all good. We should be wary of people who use extreme binaries in their rhetoric. We should strive to find common ground between the binary options. We should search for the greater truth. Thanks for reading.

Additional resources

https://www.ft.com/content/1327bc52-7eec-11e5-98fb-5a6d4728f74e

https://scholarworks.umass.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=eng_faculty_pubs

https://www.latimes.com/socal/burbank-leader/opinion/tn-blr-me-commentary-steele-figueredo-20190110-story.html

http://www.keypersonofinfluence.com/binary-thinking-vs-directional-thinking/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/empathy-and-relationships/201701/when-binary-thinking-is-involved-polarization-follows

Confessions of a Sports Convert

In small town America sports are king. That was no exception where I grew up. For many kids that was torture. If you didn’t like sports or couldn’t play well it was tough. If you fit both categories it could be a nightmare.

To say I was uncoordinated would be a major underselling of how bad by athleticism was. I was partially blind as a kid and that subsequently caused me to shift from being right-handed to left-handed and totally threw off my hand eye coordination. Not to mention I had a natural gift for being afraid of any and all things flying toward my head. I was terrible at everything. Throwing, catching, hitting, running, jumping, ball handling–you name it, I was bad at it.

As a result I didn’t like sports. I therefore didn’t watch sports, so, of course, I couldn’t talk about sports with any confidence. This led to a lot of isolation as a kid and even some bullying. So like many people I know, I learned to hate sports. Junior High and High School deepened my loathing of sports. Stereotypical high school jocks and the dreaded PE class, shirts and skins. Need I say more? It wasn’t until High School I came to know and associate with other sports haters: the yearbook staff, theater, speech and debate. I hung out with people who shared my interests–finding fellowship with my like minded nerd peeps.

Now almost thirty years later I have a confession to make. I love sports! No really I love them! I can honestly say I would rather watch a ball game than about anything else. So what happened? Two things really: my children and moving to Indianapolis. As my kids got older some of them liked sports and where athletic (they 100% did not get this from me). I began to take an interest in their interest. It was fun to watch them play and enjoy it.

Secondly, we moved to Indianapolis. We had only been in town a week or so before I noticed we were the only family on the block who every Friday during football season were not wearing Colts Jerseys (I am not kidding about this). Grocery store clerks, bank tellers, accountants, lawyers, doctors, nurses, school teachers all wore Colts Jerseys. In 2009 you could go to any public park in Indiana and yell “Hey Peyton!” and a half a dozen children (boys and girls) would turn their heads wondering who called their names. Sure, they loved they Colts, but Indianapolis (Indy) loved all sports.

In a very real way sports saved Indy as this 2013 article by David Masciorta points out. Turns out in the 1970s Indy, like many other midwest industrial cities, was in trouble. Their aggressive plan to turn Indy into a thriving sports hub paid off. Subsequently, Indy faired better economically and got a jump start on their downtown revitalization compared to Detroit, Cleveland or Pittsburgh (all of which are amazing cities that I highly recommend you visit). Not only does Indy have 11 professional sports teams it is the host for the national headquarters of the NCCA and often hosts many collegiate and professional sports tournaments. So it was easy to fall in love with sports there. I started watching more games so I could hold a conversation with my neighbors and friends and found that now that I didn’t feel the pressure to play sports I could more easily enjoy them. Moving to Boston has only amped that up (sorry Tom Brady I don’t care how much you win–I’ll always be a Colts fan).

Over the last ten years I’ve grown from having a tacit interest in sports to becoming a full throated fan. I love the drama of not knowing who will win and who will lose, not to mention the community feel that comes from being part of the local team.

I also love the virtuosity of the athletes! What they can do is amazing! I find sports to be an escape from the complicated, nuanced world we live in. I love this new part of life and the joy it brings me. I am also glad to let go of the burden sports felt like as a kid. I do, however, feel bad when I am talking sports with someone and I see another friend or family member roll their eyes like “Gross, sports.” I want to say, “Hey, I get it! I used to feel that way too but trust me, it’s better than you think and you may even come to love it!” So I say, play ball!

Be Careful How You Edit the Past

We are the product of all we have encountered. Like most of you, I have engaged in revisionist history when it comes to the narrative of my life. Like Professor Slugworth’s muted memories of Tom Riddle we blend together, erase and dub over the parts that might reflect poorly on us or that caused us great pain. This is normal and perhaps even a bit healthy.

Recently, I was reminded of some of the dangers of our life redactments. I had the opportunity to visit with a friend from high school. Someone who had been a great friend then but, as happens in life, we lost connection for 29 years. We connected via social media a year or two ago but nothing more than seeing each other’s family pics, etc.

As he and I reminisced I was reminded of moments that were transformational for me. Moments that helped determine my direction and ultimately led me to become the person I am now. So much of that time of life was painful for me that in my attempt to forget the pain I unintentionally redacted much of the good, even parts that were formative and essential to who I am now.

My walk down memory lane with this friend had a real impact on me. It made me wonder how much I may have missed by trying to move on from who I was. I reflected on others I owe a thank you to, people who saw me for what I could be, not just who I was. In my rush to move on I have overlooked key events, experiences and most importantly people that helped me grow into the person I am now. A person I like very much.

Memory is a funny thing. I wonder how years of filtering the past have warped our perception of the reality of what was. I guess none of us every really experience life as it is but more as we think it is. In an age were we put a premium on authenticity I wonder what role our filtered memories play on who we are or who we think we are.

So I think I’ll be brave and try to review the past. Looking for my own story through a less clouded lens. Looking for those moments that helped me set a course to the destination I am now at. More than just forgiving my past me, I want to understand him, thank him and those along the way who helped me find the version of myself I was always meant to be